To my husband, after I’ve had babies…

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To my husband, after I’ve had babies,

Can you remember the time we took that vacation.  To a tropical island.  We joked and laughed and drank fruity frozen cocktails.  I wore a bikini and we had sex in the middle of the afternoon.  It seems like forever ago.  Before my stretch marks and C-section scar.  Before I worried all the time about whether or not our babies ate enough vegetables and if they were going to sleep through the night.  I can almost remember the confidence I had.  Just yanking off my pool dress.  Tossing it on the chair like I never needed it.   I cling to that pool dress now.   Like my life depends on it, I cling to that dress.  Just like I cling to the memories of that vacation.  Of how I felt so free and comfortable in my own skin.   My skin feels different now.  Almost unrecognizable.  Like I am stuck in someone else’s body.  Someone whose body is out of control.  Mood swings.  Loose skin.  Hot, then cold, no hot.  Very, very hot.  Stretch marks.  Whose body am I wearing?  Why are they so hormonal?  Where is my fruity cocktail???

I didn’t expect these changes.  Honestly.  I thought I would bounce back.  I was young!  I was supposed to give birth and hit the beach the next month.  I wasn’t supposed to look like this.  Or feel like this.  I was supposed to look like I was 24 again.  The same girl who you dated for years before we got pregnant.  The girl who never cared if we left the lights on.  That girl never came back.  She took my confidence.   She ran with my flat stomach.  She took all the good parts of me and now she’s gone.

And so I cringe.  I cringe sometimes when you try to touch me.  When you walk into the bathroom after I shower I panic.  Don’t look.  Don’t see me like this.  I feel so different now.  So shy and unsure of myself.  I see all those confident moms proud of their “stripes” and of how they look post partum, but I feel embarrassed.   I feel uncomfortable in the body that I was left with.  After the 2 pregnancies.  After waking up 3 times a night for months at a time.  Each time eating a cookie on the way to the nursery because it made me feel better.  And I deserved to at least feel a little better if I was missing out on all that sleep.  I was left with a body that won’t fit in any of my designer jeans.  Jeans that now crowd the corner of my closet.  Jeans that I won’t give away because I still have faith in myself.  I still pray that the old me comes back.  Maybe I’ll wake up one day and see her in the mirror.  With her wrinkle free forehead and perky boobs.

So meet the post partum me.  2 times over.  This is how I feel.  But you?  You tell me otherwise.  Day in and day out, you tell me how beautiful I am.  How you don’t even see the extra 15 lbs.  You turn your head when I eat the entire bag of potato chips.  You never judge me.  Never speak a word of my mood swings.   You love me just the same.  If not more.  You have the confidence in me that I lost.  You carefully push me to be the best version of myself.  This new version of myself.  And so I have to wonder.  If you can love her…why can’t I?

So that’s where I’m at.  Trying to love myself once again.  Trying to make this new person the best person.  Trying to accept the different parts of me and to appreciate my body for what it has done.  It isn’t easy for me.  I’ll be honest.   It is hard for me to accept these changes but I am going to try.

And so I thank you.  For loving me.  No matter what I look like or how I feel.  Thank you for always thinking I am the prettiest.  The best.  The sexiest.  Even when I don’t feel like it.   I am going to work hard on loving myself the way that you love me.  Because the way you love me is the greatest way of all.

XO Danielle

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257 Thoughts on “To my husband, after I’ve had babies…

  1. Nancy Gambino on October 20, 2015 at 7:44 am said:

    That was beautiful! And that’s the way you both are suppose to love each other.❤️

  2. I don’t usually comment on blog posts but I just wanted you to know this was beautiful. I’m going through the same thing right now and it’s definitely hard loving the “new me.” Thank you for sharing ☺

  3. Thanks I needed to read this.. Wow I’m not t only one

  4. Lauren on October 21, 2015 at 5:26 pm said:

    Ahhh don’t we all feel this way. I find myself looking at old pictures before my child, talking about how great my butt and flat stomach was. Its so depressing looking back at those old pictures. Everyday I struggle to get out there to go to the gym and lose this baby weight. But why? My hubby already thinks I look amazing and treats me the same. Why can’t I love my body? I’m working on it but desperately want that confidence I used to have. Between taking care of a toddler , house duties, moving, family, holidays, work, etc it’s hard to keep up with myself anymore. But I am trying and we ARE still our sexy selves even though we don’t see it. I’m improving day by day on my time schedule on going to the gym and slowly getting myself to where I want to be. Not to where I used to be but where I’m confident and proud!

  5. Paige Bennefield on October 21, 2015 at 6:12 pm said:

    Five months postpartum & it’s like you took the thoughts from my mind. Thank you for this!

  6. Chelsey on October 21, 2015 at 8:12 pm said:

    I’ve never commented on a blog but this had me in tears! You put into words the exact struggle I’m going through. Thank you! Sometimes knowing we aren’t alone is the best kind of help! Motherhood is beautiful, messy adventure!

  7. Kassie on October 21, 2015 at 8:24 pm said:

    Seriously the best thing I’ve ever read. You put into words exactly the way I feel and haven’t figured out how to say.

  8. Nicely done. Sometimes it’s not even havin children that creates these feelings which we don’t recognize and make us feel insecure. I know TONS of moms and women who are working to overcome that feeling while they make changes and find new confidence within themselves. Please know that you’ll figure out how to find that confidence again. You are beautiful and worth all the love!

    If you are ready to meet some of the moms I know who are changing their lifestyles and finding their confidence after giving birth and raising babies PLEASE message me! You can get that back! I’ve seen it! I am a part of it! Don’t give up and keep being awesome women, mothers and wives!

  9. Well of course he loves you despite any of your nonsense….he wants to continue getting laid. Don’t think for a second that he doesn’t think you aren’t crazy from time to time, which includes not thinking you are sexy despite what your spouse says. If he said you werent crazy, you’d know he was lying. If he said you weren’t sexy, you’d have bigger problems. Everything else you said is the job of a husband. It’s a wonderful job, and it certainly never gets old being thanked for it (and yes, we husbands could be more grateful towards our wives, so call us out on that BS when we slack). But don’t ever take it for granted. You definitely get brownie points for bragging about it. Now make him take you out for a nice dinner for telling all your girlfriends what kind of guy they should be dating (and while you’re at it, tell them to stop looking for idiots in bars and clubs and be more patient with men they’re already close to).

    • Minismama on October 22, 2015 at 10:43 am said:

      Thanks Lou for the male perspective. I’m off to pick a fancy dinner place :)

      • Sure! I never miss a chance to obligate a husband to take his wife out to dinner! Especially when he’s doing such a great job. Don’t want him slacking! ;)

        It’s always refreshing hearing about good marriages (not to mention a girl who showas why marriage is the best gift in the world along with children) in a world that’s constantly advocating reasons why you should be married or have an affair. My wife and I do a marriage coaching program in our church for pre-marital and struggling couples (it’s not traditional counseling, but more like mediation to help couples learn to communicate more effectively in when issues arise during marriage). So I can definitely appreciate a happily functioning marriage. Plus it helps me keep my marriage in perspective.

  10. Kristin on October 22, 2015 at 9:21 am said:

    Fantastically written. Thank you for putting into words how many moms feel.

  11. God made a woman so man could play
    With a Beautiful person ,that you.

  12. This is amazing. I could have written it word for word, except 3 pregnancies. I cried reading it!

  13. Pregnant with my first and already wondering where the hell my body went and if/when it’ll ever come back… Thanks so much for putting into words how I feel. Thank God for husbands who truly love US and not just our bodies.

  14. jennifer on October 22, 2015 at 11:55 am said:

    Umm..my daughter turns 15 next year. Can I still blame her for my weight? LOL! Great article!

  15. I’m sure I’ll be the only (Married) male to comment. After reading this shared by a female friend on Facebook, I have to say that I was moved. It’s not often that you hear a woman DIRECTLY tell you how she feels. You (men) start noticing the signs and most can’t read it, but there are the few like myself who comes to the rescue. My wife has had two children youngest is 13 and she is starting all over. Imagine that. Know this if you never know anything else about a man. If he truly loves you, he will accept you for who you are. You struggle with whobyou are because you want him to accept the new you. Once he gives you what you need it helps, but there has to be a selfless husband/mate support systemsystem including him helping you cook and clean. He is not above daily home upkeep. Most of all accept you and if you can’t, then do something about it. Find ways to exercise while you’re home. You’d be surprised. I love you all ladies, but most of all love yourself no matter what.

    • Matt on July 8, 2016 at 11:28 am said:

      I totally agree brother! I can’t imagine how hard it is to start all the way over. My wife and I have 3 kids that are all under the age of 4 with our oldest being 3.5yo and our youngest being just 8 weeks. I can barely handle having 3 now not to mention starting over. Your post has helped with my confidence though if we do have another way down the road. You’re a better man than I am brother,r and our wives are so important in raising a family and to be able to work as a team. Oh and i can’t imagine not helping my wife with household chores. I guess it helps that I’m kind of OCD about cleanliness and orderliness.

  16. Ashley on October 22, 2015 at 1:19 pm said:

    This is how I felt after having my son, then my daughter and now I’m on baby number 3. I’ve never had a fit sexy body but I was more comfortable then then I am now, I’ve never gotten back down to the weight I was before both my kids and I’m hoping after this one I can get myself back down to at least what I was after having my son because I regained confidence in myself then because everyone told me how great I looked and it took time to see it but eventually I did. My kids father’s are not in the picture or in thier lives (thier own decision to walk out on my kid/ do something that was an extremely horrible crime) but the man I am now with treats them well and treats me better then I’ve ever been treated. I love him and hope he feels the same, he’s not much for showing emotions but he does the little things, he tells me when I say I’m ugly that I’m not although he has never told me I’m beautiful and I wish he would, but he holds me and talks to me in a way I know he cares about me and he shows that he’s attracted to me in silly little ways. No matter how many stretch marks I have or how my body is disproportionate in where my weight lays and where it doesn’t he has always looked at me with eyes that are attracted to me and showed me in different ways that he likes my body for what it is and he deals with my moods and everything else because he knows that when you become a parent it’s part of the territory.

  17. Jennifer on October 22, 2015 at 1:36 pm said:

    I loved this, but I’d like to say that for me, it’s postpartum X7, (3 vag, 4c-sections)and getting up at least once a night for YEARS, even though my youngest is 2 and a half. So, I find myself constantly exhausted, AND disappointed in whoever this is that swallowed my old body. BUT. I want to clarify something you said that bothered me. That old you did NOT take all the good things about you. She only took the skin. She didn’t take YOU. Your essence, your soul, your spirit…all the things that really make you. You are still there, writing beautiful blog posts reminding all of us who feel like an alien in our own bodies that we should be thankful the men that tell us that we are beautiful and they love us even when we can’t shed the last baby weight. My hubby is amazing at that, and I am so totally thankful for him. On a positive note, I have lost almost all my baby weight recently, and sort of feel normal again, although things never go back to where they were before (like my boobs, although I have seem much worse than mine, so even that is something I am thankful for! Lol!) and I suspect that unless I go have surgery, I’ll always have this c-section shelf above my scar. I’m learning to be ok with all that. It reminds me that my body, however changed it may be, did something AMAZING…MIRACULOUS…7 TIMES. And that is empowering. I made these people who changed the shape of me for the worse, but changed my heart so much for the better that I could never regret a single stretch mark or scar. I hope everyone here remembers how amazing they are and how beautiful they truly are, no matter their new form. :) God bless.

  18. Jennifer on October 22, 2015 at 1:37 pm said:

    *sigh*…sorry for the typos. I was in a hurry!

  19. Minismama, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am especially taken by the timing of your writing – my wife and my 31st wedding anniversary. There are many similarities of your story to my wife and my relationship. She has felt exactly how you have/do and, to be totally honest, I have felt/feel exactly how your husband has felt/continues to feel. And a difficult menopause hasn’t helped her with her self-confidence. To be honest, I have never cared about any of the “changes” you describe. My wife brought three lovely and precious children into our lives, and with all of the challenges you describe and then some. Throughout her pregnancies I always looked at her with awe and admiration, at how she could go through all of the trials and tribulations of pregnancy (x3) and still continue to find the energy to return my love and affection. After all of these years, I see my wife as more beautiful now as she was on the day I met her. And I also don’t find the things you stress about as imperfections – I see them as my wife’s sacrifice and commitment to providing us with three healthy, happy children who have helped make our lives complete. I have always told my wife that women have gotten a raw deal – all of the things you have to put up with physically and emotionally – and gravity is the devil! As my wife and I grow older together, I will continue to see my wife as a beautiful, sexy woman, no matter what age throws our way. How can I be so lucky!!!

  20. I am three times and many years past where you are but what you describe so resonates with me that I am in tears. Beautifully said.

  21. I don’t know you, but I can certainly relate… two kids later and I’ve never been the same, not on the outside and much less on the inside. I do, however, have a different kind of confidence; one that stems from the unconditional love of my children and the compete love and acceptance of my husband; one that had to be learned and embraced because I am a different me from those many years ago, and though it has taken longer than I expected to accept this new confidence, I can’t wait for you to experience it!

  22. Thank you for that :) I’m pregnant with our first and there are times I get worried about how my husband will treat me after our son is here but then he tells me that I’m as beautiful as ever, I’ve gained a bunch of weight and have so many stretch marks but he still shows he love me and that no matter what I look like I’m still beautiful to him, thank you for putting it all in perspective, I needed that as I am very self conscious to begin with.

  23. Jessica on October 22, 2015 at 4:21 pm said:

    I loved that and want to show it to my husband as soon as he comes home. I feel like I’ve been trying to say these things to him and couldn’t find the words like you did. Hoping we all find peace until we can love our bodies again!

  24. tears streaming down as I read this. This is EXACTLY how I feel after giving birth 6 weeks ago. very well written. this society is to blame for the way we feel…..

  25. Yes yes and yes. You must be inside my head because this is exactly how I feel! (Except 3 c sections). My hubby tells me I’m beautiful but I only feel that way every now and then. I want my confidence back! Thank you for this!

  26. Kathrine on October 22, 2015 at 5:00 pm said:

    Thank you so much for giving voice to how so many of us women feel!

  27. This article really put tears in my eyes. I’m still currently pregnant with my first, 30 weeks…and my body has completely changed…my boobs are already sagging from growing so quickly and I have stretch marks everywhere. I feel ugly and gross…and I’ve been so worried about what I will look like after as sad as that is…I’m only 21…
    I know I shouldn’t care…but I do.
    I’m just glad I’m not the only one who is thinking like this, because everyone is so body positive, which they should be…it’s just so hard to be.

    • Minismama on October 23, 2015 at 2:43 pm said:

      It is so hard! Especially when you are pregnant and all these changes are happening. Thank you for reading and congratulations!

  28. Michaela on October 22, 2015 at 5:39 pm said:

    Thank you sooooo much for this! I’ve been struggling lately and I love this because these are truly my exact thoughts. I’m a first time mom, so this has all been such a change for me. I’m trying so hard to love myself in this body that I so desperately just want to escape from, but it has been so great to have the same support you wrote of from my husband!! Thank you so much for sharing the words I have so desperately wanted to say but don’t know how!!

  29. I used to be pretty too on October 22, 2015 at 5:49 pm said:

    I never comment on these things. But I have to tell you that this was so spot on that I cried both times I read it. Thank you for putting into words what we are all feeling. It also made me thankful that my husband is so sweet and doesn’t judge these things. At least I hope so. He has always been nothing but kind. I hope you take comfort in the fact that we are all going through this, minus a few lucky jerks (ha, I’m joking.. Sorta!). But those babies are worth it. I hope you find your confidence. Then tell me where to find it! Haha

  30. I bawled! I feel like you were writing on behalf of myself. Being 2 months postpartum this is exactly how I feel. Good to know I’m not the only one struggling. This is amazing!

  31. What I take away from this blog is a different stand point, but it applies still the same and I am so grateful for your written reflections. I had a daughter from a previous relationship almost 11 years ago now at the age of 23. I had those same feelings then, and I have those same feelings now..but under different circumstances. I am very happily married for the past 7 years to my wonderful husband. I was tone and fit when we married (After i had my daughter for your inspiration it is possible), however 7 years of marriage including all of those years trying to get pregnant again..losing everything we owned, losing my grandmother who was basically my mom from pancreatic cancer and also a job in child welfare has led my body down a horrible path from lots of depression and stretch marks from my daughter that have become worse from the weight i’ve gained over those 7 years. A total of 30 pounds at this point. I dont recognize myself anymore and I wonder how my husband is turned on by me or how he calls me beautiful but he loves me more than the day we were married, this i am sure of. I am grateful for such a wonderful and loving husband, who through it all has been my rock. Finally our lives have become stable financially and I am trying to lose this weight, which ive found so much more difficult then the weight i put on and lost after my daughter. Thanks for the inspiration and reminder of how we need to love ourselves the way our husbands do.

  32. Richard on October 22, 2015 at 6:16 pm said:

    My wife just sent this to me and I am desperately trying to find a counter blog where a husband is saying how much he likes his wife the way she is. I don’t want a 24 year old girl I want my 38 year old wife. I tell her several times a day and she knows how I feel but maybe reading someone else’s words would help.

  33. nicole on October 22, 2015 at 6:57 pm said:

    This is beautifully written. It is such a struggle to live in an unfamiliar body. Just finding what we love about ourselves and really embracing that…it might be beautiful eyelashes or great skin or maybe it’s your smile :) I told myself that with my marks on my stomach that’s truly only a small part of me and that I have so much more to me! It takes little steps to make the voice inside our head kind to us. Thank you for this!

  34. Latessa on October 22, 2015 at 6:59 pm said:

    I couldn’t describe the way I feel any better than you just did. It made me cry. Not out of sadness, but because I am happy I’m not the only one that feels this way. I love my husband more than he will ever know, but I need to learn to love myself the way he loves me. Thank you for this!

  35. This is truly beautifully written. I felt every bit of this for a long time. May I add a thought from a slightly longer viewpoint? My kids are now 19 & 16. Now when I look back at pictures from those days when the kids were young and I remember feeling so unsure and uncomfortable Oh the difference of hindsight! The me I see in those pictures is so young, so pretty, glowing with love for those little people and oh so much smaller than my inner voice told me I was. No I wasn’t a size 6. I also wasn’t the biggest mom around though I felt that way sometimes.
    Long story short, be kind to yourself. If pride in tiger stripes isn’t your style, no big deal. Be grateful for a body that can get up and take care of your baby in the night, for the husband who tells you you are lovely, for the day in day out sameness that builds memories! The days fly and we tend to be hardest on ourselves. Being a mom changes us, but truly in wonderful ways!

  36. A husband in love on October 22, 2015 at 8:07 pm said:

    I am a 44 year old father of 3 (19,8 and 3 year old) and a Husband of 21 years. I met my most beautiful wife when I was 15. When I first saw her I knew I was going to marry her, I even told her so. She is the only person who has litterly taken my breath away, after the three kids and 21 years later she still does. You see in my eyes she looks more beautiful and sexier than she did when we got married . What makes stand out so much more now is not only her looks but also how she grew as a result of being a mommy The tireless effort she puts in to raising our children is amazing to say the least. How she multitasks would leave the top CEOs in this country in wonder. I could go on forever as I love to talk about her but I will not bore you with that. Just understand this, the scars and stretch marks you talk are not some kinda of battle scars…… they are truly beauty marks and yes you are truly beautiful.

  37. anonymous on October 22, 2015 at 8:15 pm said:

    This resonates. I feel the same way.
    Where you have a husband who supports you and shows that he loves you, mine sits there and says eating again? I haven’t heard a compliment for the sake of complimenting in ages.
    He thinks it’s all about the sex and I tell him it’s everything but…everything but because there is no emotional connection between us anymore.

    I’m trying to love myself too. Some days is easier than others…

    • Honest husband on January 10, 2016 at 8:52 am said:

      But sex doesn’t suddenly become an unimportant part of the relationship. It is what connects us. Sure intercorse may not be an option at the time but it is important for couples to feel sexually alive together. Sometimes it has to be forced. It has happened with me and my wife. We don’t feel that same connection at times but we can force it even when “not in the mood.” I would be dead if I was “not in the mood” for over a year to take my wife out or make her dinner and serve it to her in bed in front of her favorite tv show. These are the ways she feels connected and I am exhausted from work and taking care of he kid (yes dads can play big roles, let them, or make them). It is safe to say that she is not always in the mood sexually but if we force it in other ways than intercourse or even just some touching, it can rejuvenate that bond that so often gets neglected.

  38. Meghan on October 22, 2015 at 8:34 pm said:

    Wow that was so raw and beautiful at the same time..thank you for being so honest

  39. Heather on October 22, 2015 at 8:43 pm said:

    We all struggle with our new bodies :/
    We’re blessed with good men for husband’s for sure! What has helped me is I use one coat of sunless tanner and it hides the marks amazingly :)

  40. Mom of 3 on October 22, 2015 at 8:49 pm said:

    Wow. Thank you for writing this. This is exactly what I have been struggling with for 2 years. You put all my feelings into words. You are an amazing writer

  41. OMG! My heart goes out to you! I know exactly how you feel, and what you are going through. I too, have had these exact same thoughts and wondered exactly what it is that my husband finds so beautiful, while I find it so disgusting. I am shedding tears now, for both of us. Thank you for sharing your story so that I can know that I am not alone. I know it took a lot for you to write and post this, but I think that it will touch so many more lives than just mine. :)

  42. Genevieve on October 22, 2015 at 9:37 pm said:

    This makes me so happy! This is my first time commenting in a blog and I just had to tell you how awesome this was. I am not a mom yet but this worries me, I know what’s coming or Whats not coming, if im lucky.. I have deal with body issues my whole life until just now that I realized that he loved me just as I was. I got really fat, and didn’t feel like myself and he loved me either way. And I have asked him if he would hate my stretch marks and he said “no, everyone has them! I do too.” so that right there makes me happy in my own personal way but your story made me eve more happier. Because amazing guys still exist! I am so happy that you have found some that loves you. Blessings!

  43. Nicole Masti on October 22, 2015 at 10:09 pm said:

    Thank you. <3 I needed this. 9 months PP with my 3rd, 25 years old… thank you for a good cry. This is amazing.

  44. Shannon on October 22, 2015 at 10:10 pm said:

    3 months postpartum with my first and I think you were reading my mind! Thanks for sharing, you put into words the struggle I’ve been feeling and what I’ve been trying to express to my husband!

  45. I just had my third baby a week ago and decided before hand with my two boys and one girl I was done so had my tubes tied. I wasn’t expecting to feel a strange sense of loss following it. After all I only wanted 3 babies. But after each baby with the insecurity I feel and strangely less like a woman it unfortunately added to that feeling. I am now 50 lbs heavier than I was when I got married and am now 3 c section scars in and most likely will never wear a bikini again. I almost want to cry sometimes when my husband says I’m beautiful because I convince myself he is saying it because he has to. Tonight a week after delivery I really needed to read this. Tonight I needed to feel normal. Tonight i dont feel so alone. So thank you.

  46. Jason hopkinson on October 22, 2015 at 11:29 pm said:

    I feel sorry for you that you are so shallow and so concerned with your looks. Your husband sounds a lot like me. Very loving and a great family man. I tell my wife she is amazing and beautiful every day. We now have two boys. She is more beautiful today than the day we met. 20 lbs. lost 20 lbs gained or the same weight. It doesn’t matter. She is the mother of my children, my wife for life, my better half. The day you understand that. You will not be so worried about 20 lbs.

    • Honest husband on January 10, 2016 at 8:57 am said:

      And hopefully more start to understand his one day. It can be very defeating when you care so much and they are trying to appease this false standard they have created in their head and they start treating you as if you feel the way that have imagined you feel about them now. This is a big issue in many marriages that can be overcome, but really needs to be worked on with more than blissfully ignorant support. We must take steps to understanding where we are in the relationship and understand that both find each other attractive. You can’t bounce around in a marriage where you cringe at your husband touch forever. It removes a very important part of intimacy from the relationship and it will cause a lot of strain. The longer it goes on, the worse it will get. Work together and grow. Amazing things can happen for the marriage

  47. Melissa on October 22, 2015 at 11:55 pm said:

    I don’t know you and I’m a random person in Facebook who saw this but honestly this made me cry. I have no kids but this is how I feel after gaining weight after beating an eating disorder and then an exercise obsession. Thank you

  48. babyears1108@gmail.com on October 23, 2015 at 12:14 am said:

    This is so beautiful…..thank you…..thank you for the confidence I couldn’t find in my self….it’s nice to know I’m not alone !

  49. Mrs. Moses on October 23, 2015 at 12:33 am said:

    Exactly how I feel!!! Pregnant now with baby #3 & I weigh myself everyday!! I definitely lost some of my confidence & I know I’m hard on myself but I can’t help it. My husband doesn’t see what I see & I find he loves me more. Thank you for writing my exact thoughts!

  50. I so needed to hear this today! We went to the beach with our family today and I kept thinking of how different I was/looked when I used to go when I was younger. I try and remind myself that I didn’t have this beautiful family then and being with them is so much better than a cute body but it is so hard sometimes! Thank you for your beautiful words and reminding other moms that we are not alone!

  51. I found myself nodding my head to almost every sentence as I read this. Wish I had the sense to write it! Thank you!

  52. Brittany on October 23, 2015 at 12:55 am said:

    thank you so much for writing this! I’m sitting here right now 30 weeks pregnant with tears streaming down my face because this is exactly the words I’m afraid to speak to myself. This is exactly how I am feeling, and am scared I’m going to feel this way after having my little girl in 10 weeks or less. This is so encouraging to know that I’m not the one who isn’t confident enough to flaunt my stretch marks and my saggy boobs due to breastfeeding. I pray that you come to love yourself as your husband sees but also as God sees you! We are beautiful women who have been able to do something miraculous!

    • Minismama on October 23, 2015 at 3:16 pm said:

      SO much of me feels awful for making so many people cry reading this. Thank you for relating to me and sharing your story. You are not alone. :)

  53. Megan Desiato on October 23, 2015 at 1:15 am said:

    Seriously, BEAUTIFUL!! I always knew I wasn’t alone, but this just confirms every emotion that I have. Thank you :)

  54. Victoria on October 23, 2015 at 1:32 am said:

    I just want you to know that whatever stage your body is in right now, you are still the same person in the same body! We are constantly evolving and becoming more ourselves every day. The process is a hard one, but it’s worth the journey to discover yourself. Who you truly are. What you can really do. I was recently told by a couple of different doctors that I probably would not be able to have children. This was a devastating blow to me, because all I’ve ever wanted to do was be a mother. I WISH I had the opportunity to have that postpartum body! Trust me, I am in no way trying to invalidate your feelings or journey in ANY way. I know what you’re going through must be so hard. But life is all about perspective :) Never be ashamed of that body, girl! It did what so many women wish their’s could. That’s something to be proud of!

    • Minismama on October 23, 2015 at 3:17 pm said:

      You are absolutely right. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me to keep it all in perspective. I appreciate you :)

  55. This was absolutely beautiful. And exactly how I feel. Thank you for writing this and sharing this with us all. This was exactly what I needed to read before I set my phone down to go to sleep. And I needed to read this before we try for number 2. Because I’m going to feel this way again, times 10. And I need to remember that I’m gonna be loved anyway…for who I am. Again, thank you.

  56. I also never comment on blogs etc
    But this is so beautifully written and had me gulping back the tears. After 3 babies my body is not my own but I am lucky like you and my husband still loves me for me. It’s just me who needs to love me again.
    Well done for sharing.

  57. Kristin on October 23, 2015 at 4:30 am said:

    I’m laying in bed at 3am.. Nursing my 9 month old.. Reading this.. And crying.. This is a letter to my SWEET husband!!! I’ve GAINED 13 lbs since having my EXCLUSIVELY BREAST FED babywas born last January!!! Whoever said you can BF and eat whatever you want is a liar!!! But my sweet husband never judges me.. He knows I’m not happy with myself but always calls me his “sexy momma” or tells me I look pretty. I know the old me is in here … Yes she will always have stretch marks and a c section scar… But she will come back one day!!!!! Thank you for writing this!! I’m sending it to my hubby now!!!

  58. Potaika on October 23, 2015 at 5:25 am said:

    You could have prevented all this woe-is-me martyrdom by not breeding. And put down the cookies, fatty.

    • Seriously? on January 9, 2016 at 12:58 am said:

      I wish someone would have been around to tell your mother the same (don’t breed woman!), then we wouldn’t have you (probably a teenage male) running your mouth about real issues that your immature little brain isn’t capable of understanding.

    • Honest husband on January 10, 2016 at 9:01 am said:

      Yes the cookie part did confuse me. If the weight is an issue, and this goes for everyone in society today that wants to make excuses, there are steps you can take to change it. It really isn’t as hard as people think too. I used to be a personal trainer and plenty of women wanting to change their post partum bodies would enroll. You don’t have to become a bodybuilder, but a good deal of that weight comes off with some simple clean eating and exercise. This isn’t bashing, just simple truths and a suggestion to help with the problem presented.

  59. crystal on October 23, 2015 at 8:38 am said:

    These are the sacrifices we make when we bring life into the world. Nothing to be ashamed of in any way, and I’m pretty sure the greatest blessing for the husband is that his wife and child are happy and safe. A baby does not only change the women but it does the man as well. His emotions can be over whelming as well!

  60. Wow.. like we haven’t heard this over the last 30 years by millions of women..get over yourself and earn some money and fix that body if you hate it. and stop eating chips for god’s sake.

  61. Karrie on October 23, 2015 at 9:42 am said:

    This is incredible. It is spot on how I feel. Almost as if I wrote it myself! You interpreted the feelings and emotions perfectly. I am definitely making my fiancé read this ASAP! Thank you for writing this!

  62. Brigitte on October 23, 2015 at 9:49 am said:

    it’s hard to feel that way it’s been 12 years since I’ve had my first child and I struggle everyday until I read this article about a letter a husband wrote a photographer after she photoshopped his wife you need to read brought tears to my eyes and makes you realize ..
    http://www.aol.com/article/2015/10/16/husband-writes-surprising-letter-to-photographer-who-photoshoppe/21250209/

  63. Jennifer on October 23, 2015 at 9:52 am said:

    I cried reading this. I think you took the words right out of my mouth.

  64. This made me cry, it’s exactly how I feel. Have the worst stretch marks of anyone I know. The more weight I lose the more the skin just hangs. I’m a size 7/8 but because of my belly I wear 12/13. I desperately want a tummy tuck but can’t afford it. I find it so devastating and depressing but my boyfriend is still here loving me like they don’t exist.

  65. Thinking back to my childhood the most beautiful women in my life were not thin and had stomachs that showed they had had children. Society might say that women need to be thin to be beautiful, but husbands and children find great beauty in a woman that was fortunate enough to be able to bear children and loves them. Stay focused on the true beauty and forget what society says… what your family thinks about you is way more important than what complete strangers think/say.

  66. Oh yes!!! Please perky boobs come back!!!!!!!

  67. Adriana on October 23, 2015 at 10:37 am said:

    Thank you for posting this. It had me in tears. I know others go through the same self battles, but to read it and be reassured you’re not alone is so comforting. It’s hard to love yourself after so much change but your husband loves you and and your little ones don’t see it that way.

  68. Dori Norcutt on October 23, 2015 at 11:10 am said:

    Thank you Danielle for writing about something so personal but yet something that all mothers face! Very nicely written. You are beautiful and amazing!

  69. I’ve never commented on a blog post before, but you had me in tears with this one. 4 months postpartum and you took the words right out of my mouth! I sent this to my husband and thanked him for how he tries to lift me up when I’m feeling down. Thanks again!!

  70. Patrick H on October 23, 2015 at 12:13 pm said:

    I will say that my wife is more beautiful then ever after our first child. The things she sees as bad, I see as good. Every mark that she has on her body, are things we lived through together. Her stretch marks that I don’t even notice, was from our daughter. The access weight gain which I don’t notice show that we have succeeded in life together, being able to eat what we want, live how we want and not give it a second thought. I look foreword to many more scares, weight gains, lose of hair and gaining more hairs in places you never expect. I hope all women read this comment and know that I not only speak for myself, but for other husbands out there. I appreciate the sacrifice you have given us, so that we may have families. Thank you from a loving and a very appreciative husband and father.

  71. This is so well written. Thank you for your authenticity and bravely sharing about your experiences, so many that I can identify with! You are doing a beautiful thing, fighting for an understanding of how motherhood has changed you for the good, bad and the… displeasing. Through it all you are as worthy in a bikini as you are in a one piece! You are enough. May your journey forward lead you to that truth and a healthy and aligned self <3

  72. Oh my goodness! You made me cry. This is exactly what I feel like. Thank you.

  73. Nicholas ramey on October 23, 2015 at 1:31 pm said:

    I think my wife feels the same way.. I tell her everyday how beautiful she is and how sexy I think she is.. and it’s the truth from the bottom of my heart.. to me she is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.. even after our babies.. so lady’s don’t put yourself down because you are beautiful and you still got it.. you may not feel that way about yourself but I bet your husband’s still do…my wife is still as hot as the day I meet her.. acually to me she is way hotter.. I love you babygirl. .

  74. Thank you. Thank you for letting me cry, for providing insight into the feelings buried deep within, for helping me better understand myself through your words. While it is written to your husband, and dear to you he must be, I believe I have taken away new meanings on life from it for not just myself but so many other women must have these feelings but not know how to put them into words, let alone even understand them.

    Thank you. Thank you for opening yourself up to others and letting the light shine through. You are a true inspiration.

    Thank you.

  75. Nicholas ramey on October 23, 2015 at 1:32 pm said:

    Very good post maam…

  76. Jeannie on October 23, 2015 at 2:31 pm said:

    Oh Danielle! That was beautiful!! And I am sure that you are beautiful and your husband and kiddos love YOU!

  77. Needed to read this today… thought “oh my gosh this girl just summarized EXACTLY how I’ve been feeling”. So good to know us mama’s are not alone. Had my baby 4 weeks ago and it has been a struggle to feel like myself again. Thank you for your very real words.

  78. Lyndsey on October 23, 2015 at 2:49 pm said:

    I never comment on blogs, but 2 months post-partum and this blog hit me right in the heart. This is EXACTLY what I am struggling with now. I know I did it to myself because I ate like crap and blamed it on me being pregnant. I thought oh it will just fall right off, and the first 30 did. I recently started eating healthier and cut out fast food and soft drinks and i’ve already dropped 8 more lbs. Ive got about 20ish lbs to lose to get back to where I want to be and the biggest struggle for me is the stretch marks. My husband constantly tells me how perfect I am and how he loves me no matter what, and that is definitely a huge help but I just cant help but think he only says it to make me feel better! Either way he is an amazing man for always picking me up when I’m down. He started dieting with me and we are going to do this together! ANYWAYS, thank you for the amazing blog so happy to know other women are going through this/ have gone through this as well!

    Lyndsey

  79. I Love this and am sad at the same time. I understand the loss of your old self, it isn’t easy. I thought of something just now…maybe focus on the idea of enjoying your body, not loving it. Loving it can feel like an obligation, something you are ‘suppose’ to do. But enjoyment can be just you feeling physical joy and happiness, not with expectations, or pressure to think about yourself a certain way or you have failed some test. It isn’t a test, it’s just you having fun with your body. Does that make sense?

  80. Cameron on October 23, 2015 at 3:24 pm said:

    This is such a beautiful post. And YOU and your husband are beautiful. One baby here and one on the way for us…and I sit here in tears as I wish my husband felt this way. It would make things so much easier, and happier. To be loved for who I am instead of what I do.

  81. After 40 years together, my I suggest, the other side of the same coin?
    This is how many of us husbands really feel.
    http://reallyidontthinkso.net/3892573-14598704

  82. Lookingup on October 23, 2015 at 4:15 pm said:

    You will lose the weight and feel super confident in your new baby marked body. One day at a time. Your inner strength shines through this post and it is amazing. Thank you for putting into words how so many of us feel. I am postpartum 5 months and pushing myself to find strength in my daily walk instead of that delicious cookie, but some days only the cookie will do. Thank you for being so open about your struggles. I hope we both get to where we need to be to toss that swim cover and enjoy what’s underneath.

  83. Danielle, even ur name is beautiful! The best part of u is inside ur self . Look deep it’s ur heart! U do everything with it. Love, cry, feel all those emotions all while loving everyone but itself! U have been blessed with 2 babies! They depend on u! They live u unconditionally! Even when they were being form in ur body they depended on u! It was that heart they heard beating everyday! But yet u can’t love yourself! Sad because u r losing out on some of the best moments of ur life. I am a 58 yr old female whom worked in my ideal job for 36 yrs. ob/gyn nurse practitioner! Then health issues set in preventing me from my work! But I raised my family and enjoyed every second esp. Now when I look back to when they were little. Now we r blessed with grandkids! Oh nothing better, except u view of ur self ! As I age I look into the mirror and sometimes don’t recognize myself! Where did all the time go? Why don’t I see a 36-24-36 figure anymore? Well it’s because I lived life and things happens! U will too , just know chg is going to always happen . Pray for ur kids and ur family daily! And if u think u may have post partum depression seek help! Ur family is worth it just as u r. U did not gain the baby weight in 1 month it took 9 months allow itself time to lose ur extra weight. And if u don’t so what! Have sex again with the lights on for one day u might not b able to have sex and u will look back and regret the time u lost. Most of all enjoy ur family! And b thankful for a loving husband and those 2 babies. Soon they will b grow! Don’t look back in regret but in loving memories

  84. Annnndddd i’m crying. Perfect.

  85. As a husband of a wife with 4 kids, including 1 c-section, we both wish someone had told us. It took time for both of us to adjust. I think that may be why the writer of the book of Proverbs talked about ravishing the wife our our youth.
    But I can honestly say that after 19 years, I wouldn’t trade any of the stretch marks, sags, or scars. We all miss our youth. But we are enjoying the sweet aged wine of middle age. The love is better than ever. And believe it or not, so is the bedroom.

  86. Cassandra on October 23, 2015 at 5:26 pm said:

    This made me cry a little. I was never small before my 3 kids I sat at 200 but carried it very well now I sit at 240 and can’t get the weight back off my youngest is 10 months old and I find it hard to love my self the way my husband loves me. Thank you for sharing this.

  87. Unknown on October 23, 2015 at 6:33 pm said:

    Thank you. You have put into words absolutely everything I have been feeling since having my third son six months ago. Everything you said is me to a T. Thank you. I finally have something to show my hubby that explains everything I am feeling. Thank you.

  88. Kendra on October 23, 2015 at 6:59 pm said:

    I have tears in my eyes after reading that… (Which doesn’t usually happen for me) It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth… Every single bit of it. This was incredible, thank you for sharing :)

  89. I’ve never left a comment on a blog before, but this piece, shared by a friend on FB, really touched me. I feel exactly the same with a 3 and 5 year old. Becoming a mother shook my sense of self to the core. I had severe post natal depression, when I felt I should have been so happy. I love my girls and my husband and receive so much love back from them. Learning to love and accept myself again is an ongoing process. I don’t know the answer, but just reading your post, so honest and real, makes me feel less alone. What you did here is beautiful and powerful. I hope you always keep writing. Thank you xxx

  90. Michelle Kupka on October 23, 2015 at 8:27 pm said:

    You have an amazing husband besides a loving father to your kids. After 15 years with my husband and three kids I was betrayed so many times by him. Things finally ended and now it’s my birthday and he doesn’t abide by the Court order so for the last three months shared custody means nothing. Anyways I can relate about trying to love yourself when you yourself can’t see what other people do in you. Believe your husband, give him a kiss and express how much you love him!!!

  91. Ok wait. I get this, and the support is beautiful, but if the old you was where you were comforable, then why not just change your lifestyle to get that body back? Difficult? Yes. Impossible? Hardly. Child rearing is much harder. Then everybody wins

    Try it!

  92. BreVig on October 23, 2015 at 8:43 pm said:

    I keep reading this over and over again, one, because I love it, you are an excellent writer! And two, because it pertains so much to how I’m feeling right now! I’m 6 months postpartum with twin girls. My stomach has so many deep stretch marks and loose skin, I don’t think I will ever be able to wear a bikini again. There have been many times in the past year where I have thought back on how I looked before and wished I could be so carefree with the clothes I wear again. I wish I could look in the mirror and not cringe at the stranger staring back at me. I, like you, have a husband who daily tells me how beautiful I am to him and how he loves my stretchmarks because they are reminders of our beautiful girls. Maybe one day, I will believe him, but right now it’s a definite struggle!

  93. Jessica Lamoureux on October 23, 2015 at 9:09 pm said:

    Wow, I am sitting here crying because you just put into words everything I am feeling right now after baby #4. My husband is wonderful like yours but me……all of this. Thank you. Sometimes we need to read our feelings through someone else to help us make sense of it. Just thank you.

  94. Wow! You made me cry. This hits very close to home right now. Just had my daughter 5 months ago and definitely feeling, “not myself.” Thank you so much for writing this. It’s absolutely beautiful!

  95. Kimmers1979 on October 23, 2015 at 10:52 pm said:

    So beautiful. I am in tears after reading. I wish when my kids were babies I had been able to say this was how it went but unfortunately after baby number 2 came quickly after number one, my husband started cheating because I wasn’t giving him the attention he needed . You are so blessed to have someone love you when you needed the support the most. I really hope to find that kind of love someday.

  96. Chelsea on October 24, 2015 at 12:00 am said:

    I love this! I wish my husband gave me support…would tell me that he loves me no matter how I look. I have two children. My oldest is 3 and my youngest is 2. I gained a lot of weight with both and have been struggling to lose anything…eating right working out..but I’m not seeing results. It’s frustrating. I try very hard, I’m just very tired. I guess there’s only so much a person can do. Thank you for writing what many women feel, and putting it so beautifully.

  97. K. Sears on October 24, 2015 at 1:22 am said:

    I can honestly say that it’s been a very long time since I have read such a raw yet normal and amazing truth. These words that you we’re so brave to share with the world is what millions of women have been wanting to say but simply couldn’t find the words to express it all. Well you nailed it sweetie and I am so grateful to someone I have never once met however have so much admiration for. I look up to you more than you will ever even know and just wanted to take this time to say thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings on behalf of the entire community of beautiful mothers. This is something I will NEVER EVER forget hands down.

  98. Ladies, as a husband, I can honestly say that your body is not the only thing that makes you beautiful. It is actually a small piece of a greater package. A woman’s confidence in herself, her abilities, her confidence to be herself regardless of what others might think and (especially for me and my wife) her confidence in being a mom. Although we leave in very opinionated world, my wife’s confidence to go against the grain for our kids’ greater well being is by far the prettiest and most beautiful thing she does. She stands against some very strong people (that in other cases would bring her down) and she stands stronger than ever ready to take them all on.

    Be confident with what is on the inside and the you love the person on the outside. Your man will also see this and be more amazed by you and find you even more beautiful.

    • Minismama on October 25, 2015 at 2:19 pm said:

      Thank you for writing this. :)

      • A woman’s confidence in herself, her abilities, her confidence to be herself regardless of what others might think and (especially for me and my wife) her confidence in being a mom is what makes a woman beautiful.* [EDIT]

  99. Thsnks for writing this! I can definitely relate.
    But I have to tell you, you are so blessed to have such a loving husband! Don’t take this for granted and please know that you deserve that love ❤️

    It’s beautiful!

  100. Wow! I could’ve written this! Count yourself one of the lucky ones. I had this husband fortunately, for 35 wonderful years. He always made me feel sexy no matter what size I was wearing. I lost him 3 years ago and I miss that, but I still hear his voice when I look in the mirror telling me how nice I look.

  101. This was beautiful written. I had tears in my eyes after I read this. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and need to listen more to our partners, when they are telling you that there is nothing wrong with our bodies. It’s hard to accept, when you see how your body changed after giving birth and I’m just now learning to love myself 6 1/2 years after giving birth.

  102. I read an article once, written by a husband. In this article he described why he loved his wife’s post partum body more than her prepregnancy body. Because this new postpartum body had given him their children, his greatest gifts in life, and so every time he looked at her, he saw everything he cherished in his world. after reading that article I no longer brush off my husband’s compliments as a way to get laid. I try to take them at face value, because for all I know, he means them the way this guy did. My husband isn’t a writer, he’s not always the most eloquent guy on the planet, but he loves me, and our children are his world, so maybe, just maybe when he looks at my imperfections, he’s seeing the lives we created together out of love and not some saggy bits and stretch marks. And maybe that’s what your husband sees too.

  103. Oh my goodness. I so needed to read this. I am 48 years old. My children are now in high school. I still (after all these years) still cannot accept my body. Thankfully, I have wonderful husband of 19 years that loves me just the way I am. I wish I could love myself. Thank you so much for saying what so many people feel.

    I need to keep in mind we gave birth to precious children. What a gift!!

  104. This was absolutely beautiful and so very very true. As a mom of 3 little humans and I was 23 when I had my beautiful daughter I felt so uncomfortable around all of my friends still rocking their hot bodies and full hair as mine was all starting to fall out. I wore a one piece suit and barely wore jeans….who am I kidding I still live in Yoga pants and my baby is 4. The thing that now at 31 I am starting to realize is that while I am still trying to love my body as my husband does…which I pretty sure will never happen because Im an emotional woman…I have come to accept it. Not love it but accept that I am getting old, things are flapping in the wind that never did before and that heck I still look pretty freaking good. The thing too is that your husband isn’t getting any younger either. Mine is losing his hair, can’t stay awake past 9 pm and has been growing a ridiculous beard for the past 2 years…which he shaved into a Burt Reynolds mustache for several months. They don’t the pre-baby us because they aren’t the same either….even though they aren’t the ones waking up 3 times a night…seriously they sleep through everything. LOL It will take time but you are a gorgeous and wonderful mom that he loves even more than that day on the beach :)

  105. Rebecca on October 24, 2015 at 9:50 am said:

    Hunny, ive had 4 kids now on my fifth, im the 1% contraceptions dont work on. 4 was it for me. My fourth is 18 mons now. I was going to put her in daycare and start being “me” again. You know kids are getting a little bigger, so i can dpend that extra 5-10 mins on making mysetlf feel lile the me before i kids. The sexy, fun, exciting, no care in the world me. Then….it hit me, i am still that person!!! Just because it doesnt look that way on the outside anymore doeant mean im not that girl on the inside. Yes i have stretch marks from having 4 kids. Yes i have an extra 25 lbs of baby weight i have NEVER lost. Maybe i never will. But thats not the point at all. The point is we, as the moms, who never got “our” pre-pregnany body back, must accept that we never get it back, but look at what we’ve gained in return. We shed that perfect body to bring in some amazingly, beautiful, energetic children into this world. And if we cant love ourselves, how can we teach them how to love themselves, when the world is trying to convence them they should not. Yes, your husband sounds amazing to love you and your body, mine is the same way, but we must remind ourselves, they love us still and think we’re sexy, because we did bring their children into this world, and we’re doing everything in our power and ability to raise them,and love them unconditionally! So more power to you for being open and honest!! Remind yourself everyday, its not what other people are going to think and say about you, but what your kids and husband say about you. Are you a strong, confident women, or the opposite? What would you want your mom to be? Thats what i tell myself….hope it helps!! As long as mother is nuturing and loving their child, she is beautiful, no matter what!!!

  106. Alexandria on October 24, 2015 at 12:32 pm said:

    Almost 8 months post partum and i feel the same way! This was such a powerful true segment to me. I now know im not the only one with these exact same thoughts running through my mind every day.

  107. Beautiful thank you for sharing because there is not enough of this side and how hard it is to bounce back. We r bombarded everywhere in how fast some ppl can come back and for those that is has been such a struggle it is so diaheartening so thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing, and God bless you and your family.

  108. el duce on October 24, 2015 at 1:10 pm said:

    I see a picture of a very attractive lady at the top of this post. A beautiful women, whom many would be jealous of… then she proceeds to write a trending post sulking about how she isn’t pretty enough. Get over your fucking self and stop this selfish narcissistic driven whining.

    Had your genetics not been as good and you were sensitive to carbphydrates and battled with your weight and looks all your life would that have made you less of a person? Are you saying overweight people aren’t beautiful and deserving too?

  109. This is awesome! It is exactly the way I feel, just wrote out. It give me a sense of relief that I’m not alone and I’m not the only one that truly misses the “old me”.
    Thank you for sharing.

  110. This perfectly expresses the exact same way I feel. Thank you for sharing.

  111. Tiffany on October 24, 2015 at 10:14 pm said:

    I could have written this. From assuming I’d bounce back into a bikini after my first at the age of 24, to eating cookies as I deserve a treat for my million night wakings.

    I hope I can learn to love my post 3 baby body.

    Thank you for sharing.

  112. I always read and never reply. But as I stand in my kitchen, in my oversized pj’s and a tshirt. My face broken out and 20 lbs heavier, I she’d tears because I too am going through the same thing. Looking at old pictures, wondering where that fun, carefree girl went. Thank you for sharing.

  113. This was so brutally honest, it was refreshing! Beautifully written. :)

  114. I thank you SO much for writing this! I am a stay at home mom to 3 beautiful daughters ages 6, almost 3 and a 6 month old. They were all c-sections. I remember when me and my husband got together and 2 years down the road decided to start a family. I was 30 when I had my first child. I bounced back somewhat good but came to the conclusion that my nice flat tummy and six pack abs were gonna be work to get back since the muscles were all cut. I never got them back and was left with the mommy ‘pouch’.. 3 kids later, still no abs, it gets to me ALOT. I was getting a shower one day and my oldest daughter decided she wanted to join me so I left her. After getting her washed off and getting myself done she started poking my stomach. I told her to stop and then she asked me “mommy are you pregnant again?” I said “no but why do you ask?” She said “your tummy is big again” (this was also 4 months after I had my last) I said “well mommy just had your sister and sometimes mommy’s body’s don’t go back to the way they were before having the baby in their tummys..” After she asked if I was pregnant again it made me feel awful. I also have fibromyalgia and my new neurologist (I also have chronic migraines) thinks I am suffering with an autoimmune disease. I’m not as active as I use to be, I try my best to do light exercising til the pain starts. I am so horrible at eating anymore. I get up at 7am and the earliest I get to have breakfast for myself is noon. I focus so much on my children I forget about myself..
    My husband still finds me sexy (atleast he says that) but I can’t find myself anymore. I feel like all I am good for is keeping the house in order and taking care of the kids. He works in the oil and gas field so he is rarely ever home which makes me even more sad because he isn’t here to hold me all the time. When he is home he is always hugging me and touching me when I really don’t want him too because of how I feel
    I want to become the woman I was before kids, how I loved myself then but now I have to find ways to put smiles on my face for my daughters so they don’t grow up with horrible self esteem issues like I did

  115. Nathan on October 25, 2015 at 2:37 pm said:

    I am sure your husband would agree with me on this. When he looks at you now, you are still the girl he dated for years before you got pregnant, hes never afraid to leave the light on, to him you are still the most beautiful gorgeous woman he fell madly in love with all those years ago. He knows what you put your body through to give him the gift of children however you are the only one that sees the reminders in a negative light. Be strong and confident and love yourself for who you are and what you have achieved :)

  116. 10 years postpartum and it’s still a self-image struggle. ;-) But I have decided to stop trying to be the 20-something chick I used to be, and instead determined to be the best 38 I can be. I thank God all the time for keeping my husband full of love, grace, and gentleness toward me.

  117. Absolutely beautiful! Made me tear up as I feel the exact. Same. Way. Thank God for amazing husbands and new days!

  118. Pingback: Insecurities | steffartiga

  119. Sharon Petersson on October 26, 2015 at 5:22 pm said:

    This was very eloquently put. ‘Very honest and heartfelt. It applies not only to new mom’s but to women (and probably men, too) as you age. When you’re 30, you don’t look 20 and the same at 40 – 50. I’m 63 now and can’t look in the mirror, shocked by this old woman in the mirror. I doubt I’ll ever feel pretty again. You’re whole body changes not only with becoming a mom, but with aging too. I just wanted to comment that so many people can relate to this very well written piece. Thanks for sharing your heart, putting it out there to help others.

  120. Andrea on October 27, 2015 at 4:48 pm said:

    This was so beautiful. It was as if you wrote this from my experiences. I hope you know how much your words have helped other new mom’s know that we’re not alone. Thank you.

  121. Arantalia on October 27, 2015 at 11:02 pm said:

    As in the1950s, by endorsing a role of a woman victim you made yourself one. You are not considered property.

  122. Great read. I am the husband in the situation and you have no idea how much you have helped me understand what my wife is going through. Really helped our marriage. Thanks for your clear honest communication, not everyone can do that and sometimes we need someone to do it for us!

  123. I love this! Thank you so much for sharing your journey with such courage. So many of us have felt the same. And I, like you, have felt greatly blessed to have a husband who is so affirming – despite the changes my body has undergone after now three kids. Praise God for good, loving, encouraging men, huh? ☺️

  124. I so love love love this!!!
    Thank you!
    My 2nd baby will be one year old soon and i still don’t feel confortable in my body anymore… I am relieved to read this and realize that i am not the only one.

  125. Cried like my one year old does when she falls and bumps her head. Beautiful.

  126. Lady, you made me cry! I hope you find your confidence again.

  127. Leslie on January 7, 2016 at 4:22 pm said:

    I never comment on blog posts but had to on this one. First of all, beautifully written. I have a 10 yo daughter and 7 yo son and I have been exactly where you are in my thoughts about my body. And during that time I would cry about my body and my husband would tell me how beautiful and sexy I was constantly and I would tell him that he still saw me as the 16 year old that I was when we started dating, that somehow he didn’t see the rolls and pudge and stretch marks…..and I truly think he didn’t see those things. And I love him so much for that!!

    That said, when my youngest turned 2 I began to take time to appreciate myself and do things to make me feel better about me. I started exercising again and I began eating better (not perfect, mind you, but better) and I found my body again. The one I loved but I came to love it more than I ever loved my “old” body. I got the “throw off your cover up off and run around in a bikini without being self conscious” body back PLUS that body had housed and birthed and fed two babies!! My husband’s compliments and desire for me never changed. They didn’t slack when my weight was up and they didn’t get more when I got my fit body back. They were many and generous and constant through it all. But I gained myself back. My confidence and love for myself! So, it is possible and if you want to reshape your body, do it for you because it will make you happy! And a happy mommy is very important! And let us both be thankful for husbands who truly love us regardless of our size or shape!

  128. LOVE This AND I Can TOTALLY relate! Xxo
    http://Www.jamieeverafter.com

  129. Nicole on January 7, 2016 at 8:52 pm said:

    I am in tears as I sit here after putting my two little ones in bed as Ifeel the same way. You wrote exactly what I feel and live and it was so nice to hear someone else feels the same ways. Thank you!!

  130. Mindy O'Brien on January 7, 2016 at 11:25 pm said:

    This… I feel like you just leaped into my mind and spoke FOR me. ♡ I love this. Thank you so much for sharing what sooooo many of us are thinking/feeling.

  131. Absolutely beautifully, and truthfully written. 18 months post partum, and I still find myself feeling this way sometimes (like I’m in someone else’s body). But, I have also learned to love and respect my body, in a new way. I am comfortable and content in the skin I’m in, and pray you ladies will find that, too. It’s not easy. You’re not alone! There are still times I find myself hiding my stretch marks, and my “pool dress” is always nearby..

  132. To wife after she had babies,
    When we first met I instantly fell in love with you, they say love at first sight doesn’t exist but I knew for a fact when I first laid eyes on you that wasn’t true. And 13 years later you are still my best friend, and 13 years later I still get butterflies every time you walk into a room. Through the years after we have had our 3 beautiful children I have felt a little irrelevant and unwanted, I take that back I have felt very unwanted. I get frustrated and mad that you don’t feel the same way about me that I do with you. So I started to wonder, is it me? Am I not attractive to you anymore? But then after really listening to you and how you feel about yourself and your self image I began to realize it wasn’t me at all. I understand that even though I still find you as attractive as I did the first day we met, it’s not about me it’s about you, and how you feel. I regret feeling the anger against you because I simply didn’t understand where you were coming from. The changes a woman goes through after having a baby is beyond a man’s comprehension, simply because we as men do not have to go through the hormonal changes, the stretch marks, the emotional rollercoaster of post pregnancy that a woman must endure. I selfishly pushed all your obstacles aside because I felt I wasn’t getting enough attention, and I am so sorry for my actions for pushing you aside because I was more worried about my own needs. I promise from this point on I will be more supportive with what you are going through, and understand that even if I still find you perfect you may feel differently. So perhaps we can do things together to help you find your way back because in this relationship we are a team, we can take walks together, work out together, go on dates and you can get dolled up. I can just listen to you, listen to your fears, your needs your desires and help you overcome your obstacles and simply be there for you however you need. I will wait for as long as it takes for you to be at peace with yourself completely because I love you more than words can say. And if you truly love someone you love everything about them, their ups their downs their struggles their insecurities, everything. But know this; with giving birth to our children you have become stronger and more beautiful than ever before, because when a woman is able to create a life within her and carry that child for 9 months through body aches, nausea, food cravings, restrictions, mood changes, body image insecurities and the long hours of restless nights and then give birth through hellish contraction pains and everything else a woman goes through giving birth you were able to immediately after go though long sleepless nights feeding and caring for our babies and raising our children while taking care of home. And with all that said for me to be so selfish to accuse you of not giving me attention I was the selfish one. You are a true warrior and your beautiful stretch marks are a tribute to the beautiful lives you have created and I couldn’t be more proud of you. I love you, and I will always have your back the way you have for our family and I. I appreciate you and thank you for being YOU. – Joshua Tramontana to Wendy.

  133. Honest husband on January 10, 2016 at 9:09 am said:

    Maybe honesty could help the situation. People need to communicate in relationships or they do not work properly. Ladies, be honest with your husband, tell him your struggle in detail, get it off your chest and get all the self loathing out so you can start working together. Husbands, don’t lie that you never see any excess weight. If she gave birth a month ago and you say she looks like she did in high school, she’s not stupid, she knows she doesn’t. My wife told me this after I put on 20 pounds when work hours got long and more stressful during a busy year as we were expanding my company. I knew she was lying and it made me question what she really saw. Now here’s the kicker, her not looking that way doesn’t mean you’re less attracted to her. Hopefully you find her more beautiful than ever before. Everyone be open and honest and let them know. Then we can take the steps to grown in confidence and our relationship. When my wife was honest with me I knew she saw what was in REALITY there. There’s nothing wrong with seeing what is PHYSICALLY EXIATENT. But she assured me that I was attractive and she loved me through it. Then we could take steps to get me where I wanted to be and I knew she loved me for who I was. There was a deeper connection. We can all work together in honesty. It can do amazing things for our relationships.

  134. They say they still love us but then they have to be at a strip club. Have to have those skinny 20 year Olds grinding the floor, grinding other girls and then grinding my husband… all while I am fat and pregnant with 3rd kid at home. How is that suppose to make me feel? Yeah right these guys still like their wives bodies. They just get their fantasies behind our backs! But hey telling us they love us and our bodies sounds good but actions speak louder than words as far as I am concerned! I have never felt so low and ashamed of my body like I did that night and every night since!! Now I am stuck, stuck with a guy who is willing to hurt me while I am pregnant. Stuck cuz I have nowhere to go with 3 kids.

    • I am truly sorry to read your comment, it seriously makes me want to cry for you, sometimes in life things need to fall apart so that better things may fall into place, if your husband isn’t man enough to take care of home instead of going to STD clubs than perhaps you should give him a choice, change his ways or hit the bricks Dorothy. Never use the excuse you have no where to go and you can do it alone with 3 kids, because my mother did it after my father passed when I was 3 years old, she took care of all 3 of us, in the projects until my stepdad came into the picture. You are a strong woman and until you recognize that in your self and demand respect he will continue to show you none. I for one do not go so strip clubs and I live in Las Vegas!! LOL so please don’t assume we all look for love in the clubs because that is what you are being shown by your husband. Don’t let me build up a hate inside of you to the point you don’t trust anyone anymore because then you will end up bitter and lonely. You need a man in your life not a little boy so give him the option to shape up or ship the hell out! I wish you the best luck remember you’re a woman you’re already stronger than him so demand your respect!

  135. It’s nice knowing that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I just wonder why women don’t talk about it more. Thank you for putting into words what I have been feeling!

  136. Christel Ricketts on January 11, 2016 at 1:56 pm said:

    I so understand what she is saying. I had my two kids 18 months apart. With my first i bounced back pretty quickly. With my second, not so much. Things changed so much for me. My husband has loved me at my worst look, mood, and sex drive. My youngest is two years old. I am just now feeling like i am bouncing back a little more to what i was before kids. My Thyroid was one of the biggest factors for me not being able to lose weight or all the other things. Also iodine levels were low. I spent a year trying so hard to loose weight i was so fed up with gaining weight instead of loosing. I finally went to my doctor. Now that my thyroid and iodine levels are a whole lot better! I have lost 16pounds in a very short time without doing much!! I have still have a lot to lose, but it is a great start (=. I hope this was helpful for those who can’t lose weight after a baby, moody, no drive, check your thyroid level!

  137. Mariah on January 12, 2016 at 1:48 am said:

    I read this and cried and shared with my husband and he cried. You said, so perfectly, what so many of us (and our partners) experience. Thank you!

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  139. Omg! How I can relate! Seriously, you took the words right out of my fingertips. I’ve felt this way for so long, even now, after my 4th baby and almost 10 years of marriage. I’m determined to make 2016 the year I learn to love myself and everything my body has done because my body, mind, and soul have been through so much and it’s made me who I am, the person that my husband loves so much.

  140. I never comment on blog posts but this spoke to the heart. I got tears in my eyes reading it because I’m in the same boat as you, only 20lbs heavier instead of 15 lol. I just had my 2nd baby on September and I thought that maybe the 2nd time around it would be easier to loose the weight, but I’m stuck, I’m stuck with this round face, fat arms (when did I ever have fat arms, never!!!!!!!) etc…I too have a pile of clothes that I don’t dare throw away because I feel that if I do I’ll loose myself forever. I’m having such a hard time accepting who I’ve become, even though the outcome are the 2 loves of my life, I’m so disgusted by my love handles and I too feel so embarrassed by when my husband looks at me. Confidence plummeted and I think “will he ever find me attractive”. So thank you sooooo much for putting your heart out there because sometimes it feels like I’m alone in this roller coaster, and so many moms make it feel like it’s so easy and it’s really not! Sorry for the long reply.

  141. You’re beautiful.. I admire you and your courage to just say what you said

  142. Love this!! It’s so true! I love how my husband loves me as if I were still that young skinny girl he married, the one with the spunk and the one who laughed at all his corny jokes. He really does. And that’s good enough for me! ❤️

  143. Alison on July 7, 2016 at 12:51 am said:

    I never comment on these but this spoke to me whole heartedly. It is totally me and my life. I bawled reading it.

  144. Sheila on July 7, 2016 at 11:41 pm said:

    I cried when I read this article. For 6 months I have been trying to loose this extra 15 lbs after pregancy, I’ve done few sacrifices and deciliter yet I didn’t see an ounce go away. Thank you for sharing.

  145. Patrick Lynch on July 10, 2016 at 4:51 pm said:

    Perhaps another perspective will help. I married the girl you described 37 years ago. She too gave herself to bring my babies into the world. You have to realize that real love account’s for stretch mark

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  150. Catherine Swartzendruber on October 24, 2016 at 1:20 pm said:

    I shared this after my first on facebook. It popped up in my memories today. I’m 2 1/2 months pp with my second daughter. And it hits even harder now. I’m sitting here crying from reading it. I hate my body. I hate how it looks and feels. I cringe every time my husband touches me or sees me without clothes. I wish I could own it. :( thank you for helping me feel a little less alone. ❤

  151. Sarah Waguespack on October 24, 2016 at 1:49 pm said:

    I love how you say it. It’s very true that how you feel about everything

  152. And is this letter really for your husband? He clearly loves YOU not your looks…did you actually write it to yourself? X

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