Popular Posts The Life

Did anyone want to tell me??

Posted on April 6, 2014

How freaking hard it is to have 2 children?  Ok, ok.  In your defense, I’m sure you forgot.  I’m sure you forgot waking up for the nighttime feeding at 5:30 and cringing when your toddler calls your name at 7:15.  When you just barely closed your eyes again.  I’m sure you forgot how many times a day your toddler would hug your precious infant baby.  To death.  Or at least until you run screaming from the kitchen.  Do you remember how bad you felt when you didn’t have the time to give either child 100%??  I remember.  Every second of every day.  Joey is 3 weeks old.  The days have been a blur.  A blur of feedings, art projects, bathtimes, and diaper changes.  Juggling a toddler and an infant is by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.   I can’t help but feel guilty that Mini has less of my attention now.  Guilty that Joey will never have the total attention that Mini had as an infant.  It just isn’t possible.  I try so hard to have alone time with both children.  To plan activities for Mini while Joey sleeps, and to have special quiet time with Joey after Mini goes to bed.  But naturally, Joey screams while Mini tries to plant her strawberry plants that we were excited about.  And Mini will not go to bed on time so that I can spend any precious moments with Joey.  It is a struggle.  It is tough.  And quite frankly it sucks.  I am torn between this too shall pass, and I want to soak up every precious moment.  Even the 3 am wake ups, when I stumble into Joey’s room, murmering that there is no way he can be hungry, I try to remind myself to enjoy the moment.  Because I know I am about to blink, and be at his college graduation.  And then I cry.  Because I am a goddamn emotional basketcase who just can’t help it.

So that’s what I have been up to.  Surviving.  Period.  Getting through each and every day.  Keeping the kids fed and alive.  Trying to keep them happy.  I’m doing a decent job I think.  And if I’m not, I pray they forget.  In the meantime I am trying to enjoy every second.  When I can let go of the stress and emotion weighing me down.  I am trying to take in every sweet smile, burp, coo and not cringe every time big sister Mini towards Joey for a hug.  I just wish someone would have warned me.  Warned me about how torn and outnumbered I would feel.  It’s ok though, I forgive you.   You probably just forgot.

The Life

And Then There Were Four…

Posted on March 26, 2014

273 days.

13 drs appointments.

34lbs.

11 blood draws.

1 maternity support belt.

3 nervous breakdowns.

178 oreos.

89 “I just need to complain for a minute” conversations with Mike.

2 fights with Ikea about nursery furniture.

All got us to this very moment.

Joseph Anthony

8lb 9oz

20 1/2 inches

3.14.2014   7:52 am.

Life feels complete.

So as I sit and write this, it is 3am.  I have been recovering from a c-section which even an easy recovery as mine has been, it is still a tough one.  I am wide awake.  Because 3am is no time to sleep apparently. As I am watching the slideshow of photos taken over the past week I can literally feel my heart melt.  I am once again amazed that one little tiny little person can make me feel so whole.  Looking at these first moments as a family of four I feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world.

Welcome Baby Joey

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Dear Mini

Dear Mini,

Posted on March 10, 2014

Well sweet angel the time has come.  You are about to become a big sister.  I can’t even believe it.   I feel as though just yesterday I was getting ready to have you.  I remember being so nervous.  Daddy wasn’t of course.  He kept trying to make me relax, but nothing can prepare you for motherhood.  I remember going down the hall for my c-section knowing that I would meet you so soon.  Everyone came to the hospital to wait for your arrival.

I remember when they handed you to me.  I looked into your little eyes and you just kept blinking up at me.  We were finally getting to see each other face to face.  No longer just voices and kicks.  Everyone always wonders what a new baby is going to look like.  Daddy told me later that when he saw you for the first time, you were exactly how he imagined.  He said as soon as he saw you, it was like he had always known you.  He had been waiting for you.  You were absolutely beautiful.  You had a head shaped like a little apple with big eyes.  Pouty, full lips and a tiny little button nose.  You have changed a lot since that day, but your little features have stayed the same.  Your lips, nose and eyes are all still just as I remember them from that day.  You have more hair now thank goodness, because you were just a little baldy bean at birth.

So what does it mean to be a big sister?  It means you will always have a best friend.  You and Joey will get to grow up together and experience everything together.  You will have your own lives and friends but always be connected to each other.  Being a big sister is going to be much different then what you are used to and I am so excited to watch how you adapt and grow into your new role in our family.

I love your little responses when I ask you about Baby Joey now.  I am still unsure of what you think is actually going on in my belly.  You don’t pay it very much attention, yet once in a while you will come up and kiss it.  And melt my heart.  You tell me that Baby Joey is going to use a paci, cry wah wah wah and drink bottles.  You also say he is going to be your best friend.  And he will be.

Be a good girl and a good role model.  He is going to look up to you.   You are older, and wiser.  And you know where mama hides the snacks.  I’m sure you two will get into heaps of trouble.  That’s ok.  I think you’re supposed to.  🙂

Cut me some slack in the next couple of months while I adjust, ok?  Remember I said nothing prepared me for motherhood.  Well for sure nothing can prepare me for having another baby.  I’m going to do the best I can.  You know I always do.  And we will get through the tough days together.  I know we will.  We are a team me and you, Mini.  And never forget, you will always be my baby.  No matter how many more babies come.

I love you so much and am so lucky that you are mine.

Mama.

The Life

For Everyone Who Wonders…

Posted on February 26, 2014

What a woman is thinking in her final month of pregnancy, I’m going to let you in on a few secrets.

I got to thinking tonight in the checkout line in Target.  Well first, I was mortified at my scene on the conveyor belt.  1 package of cupcakes, soy sauce, swedish fish, sour watermelon slices, oreos, tortilla chips (organic of course…I’m trying to behave over here), sour patch kids, and a gallon of milk.  The rule don’t go shopping hungry clearly doesn’t apply to me.  I glanced down as the lady in front of me started eyeing my purchases.  Slowly her eyes moved down the belt in a way that was only semi-judgemental.  She either assumed I was a stoned college freshman, or morbidly obese.  Then her eyes fixated on my belly.  My belly which was currently stuck between the shopping cart and the display of travel size everythings.

“Oh my goodness sweetheart, when are you due??  You look just about darn ready to pop.”

“Go fuck yourself lady.”

No, I really didn’t say that.  Out loud at least.

What I did say was…”well I have been waiting on this line half praying my water would break so I get the dramatic delivery I have been expecting…but honestly not for another 17 days.  Hell, whose counting.”

A little taken aback, she wished me luck and went to go argue with customer service about the price cut on her damn lamp.

The whole interaction made me think.  The entire way home as I devoured the bag of swedish fish before Mike and Mini could see them I wondered, why do people say stupid things to pregnant woman?

Men, I can understand.  They have never been pregnant.  And well, they are men.  They sometimes say stupid things.

A  woman who has been pregnant telling another pregnant woman, “oh I bet you are so ready”, deserves to get smacked.  Of course I am ready!

I was ready 12 stretch marks ago.  8 lbs.  1 maternity support belt.  I was ready when I wore my black pajama pants to music morning at the library and prayed no one noticed.  3 sleeves of thin mints ago.  When the scale tipped 180.  Last week when I sat in the bathtub 15 minutes after all of the water drained because I literally had no strength to lift my body out of the tub and swore my husband was going to have to find me in there butt naked in all my pregnant glory when he got home from work.  I was ready the past 10 nights as I laid in bed swearing I was in labor until the cramping finally stopped.  When I realized my feet are now going to be a size 10 for good.  The day I couldn’t turn my steering wheel because my belly got in the way and I almost crashed the car turning into the McDonalds drive thru.

Yes, I am ready.

No one warns you for the final month.  How your bones feel like they are going to snap in half every time you do the “turn and roll” to get out of bed to pee during the night.   How everyday you look at your belly and swear this must be it.  It cannot possibly stretch any bigger.  Until you look the next day.  No one tells you how picking something up off the floor takes superhero strength.  How everytime you walk up the steps you breathe so heavily one could mistake you for a water buffalo.  Don’t believe me?  Call me one day and tell me I left the light on in my bedroom.  Then listen.

It is rough ladies.  The last month is no piece of cake.  Yet, the days do go by.  I started counting down at 56 and I am at 17.  Somehow you just get through it.  Complaining helps.  Ask my husband.  (The man who vows we are done having babies because he can barely stand me at this point.)  Chocolate helps too.  So do it.  Complain and eat your chocolate.  You deserve it.  I said so.

To anyone that wants to know just how I’m feeling.  Why don’t you swallow a watermelon and guess.

And to you, Baby Joey.  Mama is ready whenever you are.  See you soon precious boy.

The Life

Sunday Confession

Posted on February 16, 2014

Sundayconfession

I confess:  I bribe my toddler.  I’m not proud of it.  However, I am proud when she finally picks up her toys, even if it did take the promise of 2 Oreos, a new toy and a trip to the moon.

I confess:  I’m having mixed feelings about bringing home baby J.  One minute I’m panicked.  How am I going to keep my schedule? Give Mini her attention? Shower?  The next minute I’m thinking how hard can this be? I can totally do this.  I have a feeling reality is going to come and smack me upside the head.

I confess:  My mom is taking Mini for a couple of days so I can get things done before Baby J’s arrival and I feel like I won the lottery. To be able to walk around target and get what I need without stopping for the bathroom, toy aisle and snack bar is going to be amazing.  Although I’ll probably still need to stop at the bathroom and snack bar.

I confess:  I’m not sure how I’ve only gained 29 lbs so far this pregnancy.  I have been eating like a prize pig and feel like at some point the nurse is going to realize the scale is broken and I’m really pushing 300lbs.

Got something to confess??? Leave a comment or LINK up!