This past week was an interesting one for us over here. It was the first week I have been officially a stay – at – home mom. Say what?! I know. I am still trying to wrap my head around it too. If you didn’t know, I have been working for a medical supply/distribution company since graduating college. For the past couple of years I have been working for one company specifically. I really did have a dream job. I did have a 40 hour a week position. And yes, it was ridiculously hard to keep up with work + the kids. It was a struggle most days, but I found ways to make it work easier for me. It may have been stressful but I loved it.
I could go on and on about how I made it work. Waking up before the kids, working long after they went to bed. Stressing over emails as I raced to preschool pickup. But none of that really matters anymore. 2 weeks ago my company announced that they were going out of business. Bankrupt. I cannot tell you how shocked I was. My last day was just a few days after that. One minute I was working and the next my passwords were invalid and my user had been disabled. One by one they let over 1000 people go. And to tell you the truth, it makes me really sad.
I know I have always dreamed about being a stay at home mom. But I wanted to do it when I was ready. I wasn’t ready to stop working yet. Sure, my days are a ton less stressful. I am not racing to put breakfast down so I can go log in and check emails. But my days also feel a little empty. Or as I complained to Mike, “everyday feels like Saturday”.
I had a number of mixed feelings in the days following the layoff. I was sad, then angry. If you know me at all you know that I thrive on chaos. I perform best under stressful situations. I liked my busy, crazy life. As the days went on I felt almost depressed about the whole situation and then I realized why I was feeling so emotional. Working at that job was the only link I had left from before I was a wife and a mom. I got that job when Mike and I were only dating. I had that job when I got engaged, married, pregnant. When Mike got promoted and we moved to Naples, the job came with me. Then we had Joey. And I still had that job. That piece of me. That job followed me to Birmingham. I have had to adjust and readjust my work life to fit my family life so many times. I always made it work. I always kept a great balance. And now it’s gone. Completely out of my control. And it was one of the few things I had left from my previous life. (You know, life before I went on and made my little family).
Then in swooped Mike. To remind me that I always wanted more time to write. To grow my small business. To work on blogging. To do the 1008 projects I have half started. To be able to take my kiddos to the museum on a Tuesday morning. To go to the park and not check my emails every 3 minutes. And I took a deep breath. I waited a long time for this. And I probably would have never decided to make this choice on my own, so in a sense it’s ok that it was made for me.
So I got laid off. And just like that I will start a new chapter. I am still sad to see change in the parts of me that I wanted to keep the same forever, but I am so excited for what this chapter will bring. I guess this is all a part of the master plan. Time to stop fighting and just roll with it. If you’re looking for me, I will be spending every “work” day soaking up the sun watching my sweet little fish swim out the last of these hot summer days. And I will be enjoying every second of it.