Underneath this rock. Let me climb out for a second and say hi. I have about 30 seconds. I am choosing to write instead of eat or bathe. But don’t worry. I’ll just take some oreos into the shower with me tomorrow. I’ll be fine.
So after 3 weeks of sitting around and showering only to put a new pair of pajamas on, I decided it was time to get my shit together. I had to figure out how to go about our daily activities with Joey in tow. Things had just gotten so easy with Mini. We had a routine. How we got in the car. How we got out. How we walked around the stores. You know, with her grabbing handfuls of toys and then me prying them out of her hysterical hands at the exit door. It wasn’t always a breeze, but it was a routine. And I don’t like change. But I know I can’t stay home forever. Or I will gauge my eyeballs out with a dull pencil. So I woke up one morning and said this is it. It is time.
Naturally it took 2 hours just to get out of the door. Every time I was about to walk out, someone either shit themselves or needed a snack. In my efforts to keep it simple, I decided we would just take a ride to the art store. I wanted to get Mini some new art supplies to keep her busy when I am busy with Joey. Seemed easy enough right? Until we pulled up to the store and I took a good look at the baby bjorn. I mean what the fuck is going on with all of those straps??? After cursing to myself that I probably should have practiced in the house, I figured the parking lot was a good a place as any. So I got out of the car to figure it out. Praying the directions didn’t blow away as I tried to navigate what clips into what, and differentiate the arm holes from the leg slots, all while both of my children started screaming in the car. People were walking by staring. I was doing my best to avoid eye contact.
Finally I got it around my body. Shoved poor Joey’s legs into what I assumed were the leg holes. Clipped in the head support straps. Whisked Mini out of her carseat, and got moving towards the door. Halfway across the street I thought to myself, well done Danielle..you’ve got this, and then looked behind me to make sure I didn’t lose/drop any children yet.
So my thoughts on being a “baby wearing mama”? First of all, it is amazing. Talk about hands free. Joey passed out in the depths of my boobs, so I had to keep checking that he was breathing in there, and I ended up with a pacifier indent in my cleavage. Fine with me. I’ll take a quiet kid anyway I can get one. I was able to pick out new art supplies and pull random bottles of glitter and sticker packs out of my cart at the same time. Thanks to Miss Mini who takes shopping to a whole new level.
My one question is, why do people feel like they need to talk to you because you are wearing a baby? Does it make me soft? Friendly? Because I assure you, I do not want to have a conversation with you as I am trying to reprimand a 2 year old and calm down an infant who is 2 seconds past his feeding time, and totally not having it.
“Do you like your carrier? I was going to get one for my granddaughter.”
“Actually it’s my first time using it. Is the baby still in there?”
That pretty much got the point across. I am sure in the upcoming months I will have a better hold on everything and be friendlier, but not on day one people. I was in survival mode.
The other great thing about the carrier? You can wear it in your house! Hello. I started to panic the other day because it was time for Juliana to eat dinner, and Joey was starting to fuss and needed some mama attention and there was just no way I could do it all at once. There are only so many meals I can make with one hand while rocking a newborn. So I had the brilliant idea to grab the carrier and wear Joey around the house while I got Mini situated. (You may be thinking, uhh yeah, we all do that. But this is new to me! I felt like a genius!) So, it was a little scary and difficult opening the oven (and I do not suggest it). And I don’t necessarily think he enjoyed it when I dropped rice on his head, but such is life. Once again we survived.
So all in all the baby carrier is a success. I am a total pro now. We have gone to the library, museum, grocery store. You name it. I’ve got this. Just like everything else in life, it took time and practice. And patience. That is what I really need to work on.
Well my 30 seconds is coming to an end. I’ll be back again real soon. Promise. XO
Oh and in case you needed a visual…
I know, I know. It took us so long to get out of the house and I didn’t even put mascara on. Don’t judge.